Healing old pains

Monday was a really great day for me. My godfather is in town for a week helping my mom help my dad recover from a neck surgery. Mo was already there so Mistress and I stayed for a steak dinner. Mistress bbq'd steak and I bought desert. Worked out for them and us since the a/c is still out at our place.

I came home around midnight and putz'd around for a few moments with the dog and surfing cable and caught the last few minutes of United 93 about the September 11th hijacking. I have avoided any movie about 9/11, the live feed I watched and the subsequent replys of WTC coming down are more than I need for the rest of my life. It is still so raw for me, believe it or not.

I think I have mentioned in the past that that day changed the paradigm of my life in fundamental ways.

In September 2001, I had not had sugar or caffeine for over five years. I was a powerlifter weighing 225 pounds and starting a diet for a body building show I was doing around Thanksgiving. On the 11th, a Tuesday, I was several days into a fishing trip in Montana with my dad and godfather and couple other guys. I had just toured Little Bighorn as part of a historical military exercise and was staying at a military base in Helena on the 10th and 11th.

I was trying to get the gang out the door, it must have been a bit after 7am and we were dawdling. I went to turn off the tv and Bryant Gumbel came on with a special announcement saying a plane had hit the WTC. I called everyone in and thought out loud that it must have been a plane malfunction. Something similar had happened not long back.

As a camera showed the plumes coming from the building, I saw the second plane in the background. I knew then and I don't know how that this was something much more than pilot error. We all stood agape as the second plane hit the WTC in real time. Man.

I remember sitting down and saying, "My life will never be the same." I then asked my godfather for a cup of coffee and a candy bar. My demand was almost as unnerving as the tv, I had been eating nothing but chicken breasts and ground beef for four days as part of my contest diet. I had relented to a few beers on the river but unmoved with taunts of sugar and espresso, up till that minute. Everyone knew how long I'd been off those items and to drink two cups of coffee and three candy bars was profound. Needless to say we sat there for about an hour. I could have sat there all day and would have if at home. But we decided that it was best to let the process play out and console ourselves by fishing.

I realized that day on the river that my life was too much time spent in the gym. Between work and workouts I spent between 80-85 hours a week in a gym environment. Even the running I had done outdoors became a treadmill chore because of the desert heat. Mentally I dropped out of the bodybuilding contest. How could I be so vain at that moment? I decided I couldn't exercise in a gym any longer and thats the spark that turned me back towards my dreams of competing in endurance events, eventually triathlons. I also decided my life needed more variety and I added carbohydrates back into it. I went from 80% protein to a 40/30/30 plan, denying myself nothing with moderation.

By the end of the day, we had to drop my dad off at a state level military meeting, he was the third highest ranking officer in the state. By the end of the week, my brother was gone for a year, as a member of the first guard unit called to service in the GWOT. The fishing trip ended with my godfather and I saluting my father as he lifted off a tarmac in a heavily armed gunship to prepare his soldiers for the unknown. I flew out, trying to explain to the guards in the airport that hemostats to pull out fish hooks were not dangerous and should be allowed on the plane. They were.

I didn't have a son then. I had been married for quite a while and had a business that had started a few years earlier but I was ready to go back into the service. I looked into it but they didn't want me at the time. I had been out five years and that was too long for them at my age and job ability, Infantry officers are a dime a dozen.

With the changes I made to my diet and exercise and stress, I lost fifty pounds getting the anger out of me at what had happened to my country and the politics that came after. I was preparing my body for the combat I felt would be placed on me, but the call never came, even when I called them.

With all things the pain lessoned and I put on some much needed weight. Mistress changed too. She had been adamantly opposed to kids but less than a year later she was pregnant. I think I can blame 9/11 for her change too. I sometimes selfishly wonder 'What If' that day never happened. Would I be a father? Would I have done an Ironman? Would I have the balance in my life with work and nutrition that I did not have then?

Watching just twenty minutes of United 93 pulled this out me just now. I do not think I can watch it all, yet. I have a "9/11" CD of saved videos, images and articles from the internet that I saved for my son. To show him what really happened as opposed to the revisionist views that I knew he would be taught in school. I don't want to forget, nor think I ever will. People remember where they were when Kennedy was shot, or when Challenger exploded. I remember 9/11 just as clearly.

Thanks for reading something I had to get out of me before bed.

Evo-Vote through Friday

VOTING HAS BEEN EXTENDED THROUGH THE END OF THE MONTH.

SCROLL DOWN FOR MY NEWEST ENTRY.

Don't forget to vote for me to be a member of Team EvoTri. Copy my URL above or copy the red text here: http://www.commonmansyndrome.com/ and send an email to vote@evotri.com With your help I can become the 2nd of 3 members added to the team this year. My Round 1 application is HERE. My round 2 application is HERE.

Spread the word, grab people who come into your office. Please be my champion.

One last chance to win it all

Making the final round of voting on EvoTri has been quite the experience for me and has left me feeling rather odd.

When you watch my video you see that I am a giver not a taker, another way of saying that I am far more solicitous of others than myself. So it is so strange for me to be on this campaign to get votes just trying to crank out more and more like a jockey whipping his horse. He doesn't want to hurt the horse, but without pushing the horse harder the jockey will lose. I feel like a jockey right now, just constantly whipping my readers and friends to vote for me in this pursuit when the last thing I ever want is for them (you) is feeling I am abusing our relationship, being a taker.

Friday night I got a bit too anxious about round 2 and fired off a few emails to well connected friends for new sources of votes. It was impulsive and in the end I felt bad. I have lost count of the emails I have sent or received during this process. This isn't the hardest thing I have gone through, (pleaz) but today, this week and of course last week, its predominately on my mind going through all the range of emotions and thoughts.

Making this team means a great deal to me as I must suppose it does to all those still in the running. I do not believe that this can be accomplished by one man and a couple emails. It has to be a group effort of like minded people who rally behind the cause. I am not asking anyone for money or to mail anything, there is no financial investment to sell someone on...just me. Just a Common Man with no serious athletic ability but fierce willpower and deep empathy.

So yet again...I have sent out another beautiful letter from mom who can say things so much better than I can. I can only ask that each of you who received a copy send it to everyone you know with a personal message asking for it to be acted on and forwarded again. If you didn't receive a copy and want to be a part of the cause, let me know and I will forward it to you to start the thread anew.

How much harder do I push to be the final victor? How hard can I push? In a triathlon its always just about me, alone, against the course and the clock. In this vote process I have to rely so much on the generosity of...well, everyone.

I am not used to being carried and it leaves me unsteady, confused and unsure of myself.

Round 2 mid point

Just beating the drum here. Please tell everyone you know to vote for me by Saturday night by sending an email to vote@evotri.com with Commodore Round 2 in subject line. I have been giving out post-its with the evotri web address and to vote for me.

I have one more round to make the team but have to give it my all this round. Leave no stone unturned. Tell everyone.

Round 2 Round-Up

"My fine, fine people..." -Bolder in Boulder

First I would really like to address the the EvoTri member who is doing the vote tally's. I sincerely want to thank that person, not because I made it to Round 2 but because I can only imagine the stress that person is under to tabulate and sort what must have been thousands of votes in just 72 hours. This person has a job and probably a family and training to do and other commitments yet he/she must have spent hours pouring over emails only to do it again starting today. Thank you.

I could not have survived Round 1 without you, the readers and voters. Thank you. Having never run for office, I now have some idea of the enormity it takes to run a campaign. I could not be here today without you, in not just this sponsorship opportunity, but in my life, I now see so clearly the reaping that occurs when good seeds are sown.

Mistress and I were up until 11pm Wednesday night shoring up votes over the phone to those last minute friends and family who we wanted to make sure had done their part. I am so proud of my wife for spending hours on the phone calling her friends around the world and asking for them to watch my video and participate.

I hit the sack at 11:45 and was up at 3:45 for a two hour trainer ride before work.

Round two voting I hope will go easier, even though the competition will be harder. Earlier today an email from my mom was sent to most everyone in my address book. Its a grassroots effort to create something more organic than just calling people up and asking to vote. Please forward the letter to all that you can. It's our hope that it just cascades into thousands of inboxes and I move to the next round on Sunday.

If you want your were overlooked a copy, I apologize. To request a copy to start your own thread, click my photo top right and my email button will be on the next page.

I need your help once again to make Round 3. I sometimes find myself putting too much emphasis or importance on this when I write and have to correct myself, but I take seriously the importance I put on making this team, not just for me but the future of other people like me, the Common Man, being able to participate from a wider assortment of sponsors in the future.

Thanks. I mean it.

Augies Quest

The BlogFather, Hugh Hewitt is back on Live in Phoenix starting this week. In a touching moment for me, he gave a full segment to promote a cause and video about a man seeking a cure for ALS and he was able to use the song "100 Years" from Five for Fighting for free.

His name is Augie and he is the founder of Augie's Quest.

Many of you are familiar with ALS through the Blazeman Foundation. Jon Blais, the Warrior Poet, completed the 2005 Kona Ironman in 16:28, returned in a wheelchair in 2006 to pass the torch and died in the spring of 2007.

I know Augie. Not very well, we met many years ago. But we have met and he is a friend of my partner and mentor. He is a visionary and was a driving force behind Life Fitness exercise equipment. So if you have ridden a life cycle, recumbent bike or run on a treadmill at your gym, most likely you have benefited from his vision of what cardiovascular equipment could be way back in the late 70's and then the 80's.

For every viewing of THIS VIDEO on their website, two families will each donate $1 to the foundation.

Its a good song, one you are familiar with and another reason to celebrate life. Last week a blogger asked the question, "What would you do if you only had six months to live." With inspirations like John Blais and now Augie Nieto, I think it becomes more clear that what we do is very much tied to what legacy we wish to leave our family.

Will your legacy be that of an absentee parent. A disinterested spouse. A mediocre employee. Someone who makes a personal goal and continues to blow it off. In the terms of another familiar organization, I think I have learned to re-appreciate one word- LiveSTRONG.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, you should have started six weeks ago.

Been a rough couple of days lately. My partner/boss is out of the hospital and back at home, which is in another state. Hopefully resting comfortably. My friend whom several of us believe to be the victim of a semi truck-cyclist fatality has not returned any of our calls or emails. Nor has her husband. I am praying that they are one of their many cycling trips they take around the country.

If its not one thing its another. The stroke and fatality incidents Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday I got a great run in the desert but think I have an ear infection because the bricked swim was absolute torture on me. Had it not been OW I would have got out well before my 1,500 set was done. Today my ear still bothered me in the pool but it also hurt my running today too. I cut my 1/2 mary short because the running made me feel like I was being punched in the jaw and earhole with every step. It may not be an ear infection but some sort of disjointed jaw or something.

In any regard, it sucks.

At the lake Thursday, two newbies showed up. Nice ladies, terribly new to triathlon. As in first time in OW. I acted as lifeguard as they attempted their first 400 yard swim OW around the lake buoy. One had a panic attack but recovered on her own. The other faired better but swam horribly off course going back.

There were several of us there to give them support and talk to them afterward. They said they had started training in June for triathlons but hadn't progressed very far. Blah, blah, blah, busy, blah, blah, blah, we joined a training program and the coach sucked, blah, blah, blah. I was busy messing with my ear when I heard one of them say, "...It took us 4 hours to go 25 miles."

With one finger in my ear and without thinking, I busted in with, "Hey that's a pretty good run time."

She corrected me, "We were riding our bikes."

If it's possible to fall OUT of the water, I think I did it.

My recovery line was, "Well you got all winter to improve."

She responded with, "We're doing the Soma Quarter Man."

Now lookie here folks. I went about my small admonishment to them very gently but I admonished them nonetheless. Because even though their distances are what? 800m/ 26mile/6.5 miles; you can't start taking your training seriously six weeks before the damn race and expect to do well, let alone finish.

One of them told me/us, "I like to play with the big boys, I don't like to finish in the back."

Hello? McFly? Anyone home? A modifed Olympic distance race on six weeks total training, during the second largest and most popular triathlon in Phoenix. (IMAZ being 1st)

They were nice 20-something ladies and truly I, we all, gave them some moral support and advice from what we have learned over the last few years, but to blame a coach for them not being prepared after he/she gave them two months of personalized training programs and group classes, to take no personal responsibility for your progression after saying you do little training on your own. You get kind of a head shake from me.

I am the last person to want to scare someone off from this sport, I love it. But I see a mess for them at Soma. I could see them finishing but in horrible fashion, with a bad taste in their mouth for a coach who can only do so much with what he has and a "I'll never do that again" thought of triathlon.

There is no easy way for me to write this the way it was said. God I sound like such a elitest smuck, but I got a strange feeling about them, as if they were sensing us up for being their personal training coaches; stroking, pedaling and running with them as they trained with us. As we were all drying off and discussing the Saturday ride and distances and meeting times, I said to a long time training partner and Ironman whose coming back from his off-season, "I'm really in a good zone with my cycling, I 'm around your speed now. I have got to get in 60 miles. We need to be moving."

It was my round about announcement to those that heard that I can't be riding with a 110 HR @ 12 mph when I need some quality time @ 148 HR and 90 rpms. Right now that's around 21 to 22 mph. When I was a slower rider or injuried or disinterested in the workout, I certainly sacrificed my training for the betterment of the sport. For the betterment of the tri club. So the new person at least couldn't say, "Those aztriclub guy's are rude, they didn't help at all. They just took off." I make sure they know the route, the turnarounds, introduce them to the group. Make them feel a part of something.

It's a sense of personal pride of mine, that I run into people who remember my name and they shake my hand vigorously with smile and tell me, "I rode/ran with you on suchandsuch, and you were just the best dude to hang with." I am trying to reckoncile that tonight with my goal of riding in my training zone and getting 60 miles in when that future handshaker is two women who will pull me down if I coddle them.

I was there once too. I was and still am a middle of the packer. I've been the slowest on swims and rides. On Thursday they both swam to the lake buoy the first time out. It took me three visits to do that and I almost drown coming back. I understand their need for assurances we can provide assistance and eduction for Soma. What I got from them is very little personal motivation and that to me is just as important as everything else.

I used to tell my members/clients, "Look, I can train you for an hour everyday and tell you what to do the rest of the time, but what you decide to do the other 23 hours is going to get you to your goal. You screw those up and it's not my fault."

I have to do this. I am going to ride my ride Saturday. I owe it to myself.

Not a tag, a challenge

I don't often answer tags and in this post I may offend several of my friendly bloggers. But Nancy tossed a gauntlet down on my perspective of feminism knowing that her and I, even as I consider us good friends, are diametrically opposite in most all political beliefs. So as I squint my eyes and press my lips looking at this screen, how will I respond to this question...

What five things can I thank feminism for?

First off I was raised by women. No not that way. I was in a car accident and lost my memory when I was 16. Sometime I will have to tell that fairly amazing story. As I recovered at home my mom, a teacher, and several of my friends, mostly girls since the dudes didn't care, helped me in every aspect of my cognitive, emotional and physical recovery. So I feel that I was imprinted upon by this group of female friends in a way that most men don't understand.

Knowing that and knowing that I am a conservative I find today's feminism to be in stark contrast to most of my firmly held beliefs. Long ago the women's suffrage movement was inspirational and motivating but its been a century since a woman like Susan B. Anthony has appealed across political parties and thirty years since professional barriers were broken. The feminist movement of today is more in tune with Marxism.

I thought long and hard on the question, jotted some notes and went home. I asked Mistress, knowing I might be picking a fight, "What am I thankful for feminism for?" It was interesting but in the end she said many of the things that I had already put in the post. So if I can thank Nancy for one thing, she gave Mistress and I a great evening of dialogue on a deep subject.

When I got into the office the next morning I went to our office pool and asked some young ladies and one older gay male if they considered themselves feminists and spoke with a vendor who took a Feminism in the 21st Century class at ASU last year. All of them said they would not define themselves or each other as feminists. I asked why and they expressed that feminism today is a choice whose ideals can be reached in more mainstream methods, it also has negative connotations for women their age, and in this century it is not necessary for them to have a label to define a womans strong sense of self worth. Nor do any of them feel they are limited in things they want socially or financially such as the feminist movement expressed over thirty years ago.

The real fact of the matter is I don't think women in general between 18-40 years old define themselves as feminist. The women I asked point blank, "Do you consider yourself a feminist?", all scrunched up their faces and vigorously shook their heads saying emphatically, "No. Do you think I am a feminist?" I don't think that they refute feminism and what it has done for them, but in this age it is such an amorphous statement, meaning it defines form. Feminists of today teach that feminism is a deeply personal thing for each woman which is really just saying, "We don't really have any national or political policy we can all agree on so fight for what you 'feel' is right".

The woman's suffrage movement of the early twentieth century most importantly gave women the right to vote. The feminist movement of the sixties and early seventies stood more for legal, sexual and professional equality. The problem with todays feminism is that they achieved all their tenets legally or otherwise two decades ago and the consciousness of todays woman has moved on. Are their still Good Ole Boy societies? Yes. Do misogynist's still exist? Yes. Does that mean women today are abridged of rights to earn and live a full life. Hardly. Not like fifty years ago.

A thoughtful comment from my gay friend is that current Gen. X and Gen. Y women do not consider themselves feminists because one current view of feminism is prescribed to militant lesbians. But when I asked him if he felt lesbians considered themselves more feminist than lesbian, he was stumped at first and ultimately said no.

I can see why. The leaders of the feminist movement today still make claims that "men oppress women" when more women are graduating from college today than men. I asked all the women if they had heard of Title 9 and over half said no, which is terrible and quite sad in my opinion. When in 2007 Condaleeza Rice is Secretary of State, Nancy Pelosi is the third most powerful person in the country and Oprah Winfrey is wealthier and has more global influence than some nations. The ideals of equality between sexes have been reached by law, enlightenment or broken by strong willed women. All that holds back any woman of today is her own will power and imagination.

Women today are disconnected from the old definitions of feminism because they never had to fight for the right to vote or lived in a society that was centered on men being the bread winner and them being regulated to secondary status. Those 'fights' are over. There is really just one last refuge for feminism and that is through subverting mainstream consciousness with progressive ideas. In the future they will continue to target education and development programs that feminize little boy's and profile specific messages like CODE:PINK's anti-war crusade and similar direct action protests.

After all this it might seem that I am not thankful for anything coming from feminism. Not so. The originators of the feminist movement brought the right to vote to an important part of our society. It gave women the ability to go to school and be who they want to be and do what they want to do in life. Women today are competitive in almost every profession which is a great thing for this country. With freedom and liberation women can express themselves physically, socially and emotionally without any repercussions which is no longer refreshing but commonplace. I not a fan of Title 9 but I thank God everyday for female triathletes.

And thats five.

Training Contract- A Written History

From time to time I relate back to the time Mistress and I hammered out my training contract for Ironman Florida 2006. We are a couple that enter into robust dialogue and get everything out on the table because once a decision is made its important for complete buy in.

Once the 'neogoitations' are over, the bargining completed, the expectations hammered out, there will be no future eye rolling or passive aggressive body language. Its in the contract. In fact now, several months later and completely commited to my goals, she is MORE understanding than ever before.

Part One: Have Your People Call My People.

Part Two: Pyrric Victory.

Part Three: Unexpected Gift or Shrewd Ploy By Racer.

Part Four: Waiting For Notary.